y6This blog is dedicated to my son, Vincent.  I can't believe it's been two years already, since he died and not a day goes by that I don't think of him.  It's funny though, I tend to remember him as a toddler.  Maybe because he was my baby then.  He was so independent, even as a baby, that he never really was MY baby.  Vincent had a way with people, often making them feel as though they were the most important person in his life.  He was so intelligent that I could never keep up with him.  He believed in education and had high aspirations.  He didn't ever want to leave anyone behind and although he was often way ahead of everyone else, he would always look back to check that he hadn't lost anyone.  My son was someone different to everyone - often proclaiming he was "The King" in my house.  He made it a point to antagonize his sister, Jessica, constantly.  But he would always tell us that he loved us.   I miss that most of all.  And his laugh.  He had such a contagious laugh that it wouldn't take long before you found yourself laughing and you wouldn't even know why.  Our last holiday together was Thanksgiving that year, and he was in the garage with all the men, joking and laughing.  We could hear him from inside the house when he started to laugh.  It was enough to bring everyone else into the garage to see what was so funny.  One of my favorite memories is of him as a toddler.  I guess I had scolded him for something and didn't really think anything of it, but then I found him lying on his back on the floor, kicking the furniture with his feet.  When I asked him to stop, he ignored me but made it a point to let me know he was mad at me.  When I finally asked him what was wrong, he replied, "You broke my feelings!" then started sobbing.  It was one of the cutest things he said as a toddler.  He also had what I called his "pillow cheeks" and I loved to kiss them!  He would get so annoyed with me because I was always hugging and kissing him!  There are many, many good memories of Vincent! 

 

Vincent went by many names.  At home he was Vince or Vincent.  Or when I was mad at him, it was Vicente.  My dad called him Chente as well as my dad's side of the family.  His uncles, my brothers, gave him many nicknames.  Some of them stuck, like Mr. Wubbas.  Vincent's cousin Tommy told me that Vincent liked the name I gave him.  Vincent James.  It suited him.  I looked up the name Vincent and it means "conqueror".  I believe he would have conquered.  After Vincent passed away, I went through all of his things.  I guess I was looking for a way to be closer to him, I don't know.  But anyway, I found an article he wrote for school called, "Twenty Years from Now".  In it, he talks about where he planned to be in twenty years.  He aspired to become a lawyer.  Vincent James Tapia the Lawyer.  Sounds good to me.  But that wasn't all - he planned on becoming Governor of New Mexico as well.  Vincent James Tapia, The Governor of New Mexico.  I could see it, but maybe it's because he was my son and I know what capabilities he had.  I often feel like the world missed out.  People really didn't get a chance to see what my son could do.  I don't think he would've stopped at Governor either.  That was one of Vincent's things - he was never easily satisfied.  I am grateful however, that I was chosen to be his mother.  The experiences and memories I have will last me a lifetime!  It makes me feel sorry for his dad and his family though, because they never really took an interest in him until he got older.  Even then, it wasn't much.  At first, they said he wasn't Albert's child, but whatever.  I got the best of Vince - they missed out.  But although Vincent's dad wasn't much of a presence in his life, that didn't stop him from developing into a wise and motivated young man.  In fact, I think it often fed into his wants and desires.  He wanted to be a dad and have many children.  He wanted to right everything that was wrong.  He wanted better for his future as well as those who followed behind him.   

 

I have established a Scholarship with UNM College of Education to honor my son and to carry out his legacy.   I'm hoping it will give someone the chance to accomplish their goals because my son couldn't.  The scholarship is called the "Vincent James Tapia Inspirational Scholarship - Knowledge is Power".  The fact that this scholarship will go on (even after I'm dead and buried), brings us hope.  Just the idea of people saying his name, brings me happiness.  But I believe that this is the closest I can get to helping him achieve what goals he had set for himself.     

 

To my son, Vincent - I love you and I miss you!  It's tough for me to not be with both of my children at the same time, but I know you're in a better place than all of us - probably laughing at us when we do something stupid, and wishing better for us when we make bad choices.  Someday baby, I will be able to see you and hug you again!  I'll be able to kiss your "pillow cheeks" and hear your laugh and see you smile!  Until then baby, watch over us - because we need you!  I love you Vincent  - mom